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sg_ljers

Just for Laughs

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Sep. 19th, 2005 | 10:31 am
mood: amusedamused
posted by: amorspesfides in sg_ljers

60 signs of a True-Blue Singaporean
from flowerpod.com.sg
1. Thanks to SMS, you have an extra large thumb.

2. Tks 2 SMS, u oso dun no how 2 spel n e mor.

3. You pat MRT and bus seats to cool them before you sit down.

4. At lunch, you start discussing what to eat for dinner.

5. Your wedding photos include shots of you dressed up like Louis XIV, Michael Jackson, or Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet in Titanic.

6. When speaking to foreigners, you somehow feel a need to adopt an accent. (If you're a DJ, this happens even when you’re not speaking to foreigners.)

7. You won't raise your voice to protest policies, but you’ll raise your fists to whack someone over Hello Kitty.

8. You're forever talking about businesses you want to set up but will probably never get around to starting.

9. You don't know 3/4 of the people attending your wedding.

10. You separate food into 2 basic groups: 'heaty' and 'cooling'.

11. You're never completely sure how many times you’ve sung the second verse of the National Anthem.

12. You think that what makes you 'married' is not the legal registration but whether you’ve thrown a 12 course dinner.

13. You marry for the real estate breaks.

14. You have kids for the tax advantages.

15. You move to where you want your child to go to school.

16. You feel you can't walk around naked in your own flat.

17. You force your children to take Speech & Drama classes, but pray they won't wind up in Arts later on.

18. You suddenly realize you're very interested in biotech - just like you suddenly realized three years ago that you were very interested in e-commerce, and before that, engineering, and before that, medicine and law.

19. You think being an entrepreneur is setting up a bubble tea/Portuguese egg tart/gao luck/porridge shop right next to an existing bubble tea/Portuguese egg tart/gao luck/porridge shop.

20. You think people are inconsiderate when they don't leave their table immediately after eating at the food court but think you have every right to take 25 bites to finish the last red bean in your ice kachang.

21. You find it impossible to make suggestions without drawing a fishbone chart first.

22. If you're a guy, whenever you get together with your guy friends, you invariably trade army stories.

23. If you're a girl, whenever you get together with your girl friends, you invariably trade stories about how your stupid guy friends are forever trading army stories.

24. You think the most important sporting event in Singapore this year was David Beckham switching from Manchester United to Real Madrid.

25. You somehow feel that food tastes better when eaten by a longkang.

26. It actually makes a difference to you being called an 'NSMan' rather than a 'Reservist'.

27. You've eaten more times at the Esplanade than you've actually seen shows there.

28. You need campaigns to tell you how to be courteous, to flush toilets, have sex, etc.

29. When you visit the Zoo, you wonder what the animals taste like.

30. You feel the urge to add the suffix '-polis' to everything, viz. Biopolis, Airtropolis, Fusionopolis, Entrepolis, etc.

31. You always feel oddly hungry at 11 pm, and are willing to drive to far away places for supper.

32. You meet in hotels a lot.

33. Your children have a rudimentary knowledge of Tagalog or Bahasa Indonesia.

34. You work at McDonald's when you’re old rather than young.

35. You'll gladly spend $50,000 on a car, but will go to great lengths to save a few bucks on
ERP charges or even a few cents on a parking coupon.

36. Pork floss and mayonnaise on bread is a completely natural combination to you.

37. If you're pregnant, you have the strange ability to make people on the MRT fall asleep instantly.

38. You ask for the bill by miming a signing movement.

39. You've started referring to foreign employees as 'talent' instead of 'expatriates'.

40. At the dinner table, you're always discussing which other food places serve better versions of what you’re eating.

41. You copy down licence plate numbers of cars involved in accidents.

42. You think your boyfriend doesn't really love you unless he gives you part of his liver.

43. During sales, you book hotel rooms near malls to enable you to shop more efficiently.

44. You pronounce the letter 'R' as 'ah-rer' and the letter 'H' as 'haytch'.

45. No matter how old you are, you keep associating people with their secondary schools. (alternative: No matter how old you are, you secretly need to know what other people got for their PSLE, O levels and A levels.)

46. You’re always on a quest for the definitive version of your favourite local dish.

47. When you explain things to people, you keep (a) using alphabets, and (b) speaking in point form.

48. You believe that you can generate 'creativity' through rules and committees.

49. You 'chope' a seat by placing a packet of tissues on the chair.

50. You’re very forthright with your criticisms of the Gahmen, unless there’s a chance they might actually hear you.

51. You diligently track the whereabouts of your favourite hawkers, i.e..you know that the famous Tiong Bahru Bao is now in Jurong, the famous Outram Char Kuay Teow is now in Hong Lim Centre and the famous Lau Hock Kien Hokkien mee from the old Lau Pa Sat is now at Beach Road.

52. Your mother probably can’t speak your 'mother tongue'.

53. You’d rather drink your own pee than pay someone more for water.

54. You secretly find that the best part of the Speak Good English Movement is hearing the Singlish bits in their ads.

55. You have an automatic sensor in your head which categorizes people you meet into stayer/ quitter, cosmopolitan/heartlander, normal/ express/ gifted, etc.

56. You think we’re living in a modern, sophisticated country even when our leaders still insist on wearing their school uniforms.

57. You wish your constituency is in a walkover, because otherwise it’s damn 'leceh'.

58. During elections, you decide that there is no credible opposition even though you don’t know the name of the opposition candidate in your constituency.

59. You think having a constitution is like the condition you get when you don’t eat enough fibre.

60. You can never quite remember what “the core values” of Singaporeans are

the only disappointing thing is that they didn't update the list! no TT durai or peanuts or crying Lee Hsien Loongs. ):

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Comments {26}

(no subject)

from: _mandasy
date: Sep. 18th, 2005 11:14 pm (UTC)
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this entry definitely made my monday morning so much better!


Freaking funny. (:

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hey there, georgie girl!

(no subject)

from: xherxxxhimx
date: Sep. 18th, 2005 11:41 pm (UTC)
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TRULY AMUSING!

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Akira Pastles

(no subject)

from: pastles
date: Sep. 18th, 2005 11:51 pm (UTC)
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*snorts* *dies laughing*

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Marilyn

(no subject)

from: ori0n
date: Sep. 19th, 2005 12:36 am (UTC)
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ironic that i'm reading this whilst in my singapore society lecture. keke. someone should update it.

61. Peanuts cost $600k in Singapore.

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(no subject)

from: black_juturna
date: Sep. 19th, 2005 12:48 am (UTC)
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Hahaha. Good shit! I was actually grinning in agreement to some of them. *falls apart laughing*

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(no subject)

from: caffeine_fix
date: Sep. 19th, 2005 12:50 am (UTC)
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LOL... could you get anymore s'porean than that?

ACRONYMS!

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Candy is Dandy

(no subject)

from: divine_oracle
date: Sep. 19th, 2005 01:02 am (UTC)
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11. You're never completely sure how many times you’ve sung the second verse of the National Anthem.
DEAD TRUE. I always have to see how high they've raised the flag to estimate!

45. No matter how old you are, you keep associating people with their secondary schools.
Yes, but why though?

52. Your mother probably can’t speak your 'mother tongue'.
No matter what my mother may say, she cannot speak madarin properly.


I'm so lovin' this post. Made my day :)

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trin never thinks twice.

(no subject)

from: calculette
date: Sep. 19th, 2005 02:32 am (UTC)
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17. You force your children to take Speech & Drama classes, but pray they won't wind up in Arts later on.

AHAHAHHAHAHA SO TRUE.

Reply | Thread

chaerani

Addition

from: chaerani
date: Sep. 19th, 2005 03:29 am (UTC)
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62. When doing presentation, you add 'actually' or 'basically' every other words in the sentence

63. You strike a conversation by asking "how much do you pay for this / that"?

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hey there, georgie girl!

Re: Addition

from: xherxxxhimx
date: Sep. 19th, 2005 05:50 am (UTC)
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Haha so true!

Reply | Parent | Thread

Booyah

Re: Addition

from: ahsirakh
date: Sep. 19th, 2005 09:32 am (UTC)
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68. When doing presentation, you call it "pre-zen-tay-shun" instead of "prez-en-tay-shun".

69. When speaking English, you drop all words deemed unimportant from the sentence, especially any prepositions, articles, and permutations of the word "be".

Reply | Parent | Thread

chaerani

Re: Addition

from: chaerani
date: Sep. 20th, 2005 04:28 am (UTC)
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70. You pronounce "main-tain-nence" instead of "main-tn-nence" (for MAINTENANCE) and "pr-chase" instead of "pr-chz" (for PURCHASE)

Reply | Parent | Thread

Cinders

(no subject)

from: mmmorbid
date: Sep. 19th, 2005 03:38 am (UTC)
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hahaahha, what does "polis" mean anyway?
/ignorance

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(no subject)

from: cr0nx
date: Sep. 19th, 2005 03:58 am (UTC)
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64. You try to avoid people holding tin cans, bags, clipboards or papers with lotsa stickers on it every Saturday when you're out in town.

65. The first thing you ask anyone before having a decent conversation is "makan already or not?" (or in other dialects/languages)

66. Any place that has a chair and aircon is a good place to mug before exams.

67. Almost everything has been instant-nised. e.g. instant noodles, instant porridge, even instant EGG! etc...

Reply | Thread

Si peh kwai-lan

(no subject)

from: synapseman
date: Sep. 19th, 2005 04:01 am (UTC)
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16. You feel you can't walk around naked in your own flat.

'tis not (necessarily) true, yo.

Heh.

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needles and pins

(no subject)

from: xxsher
date: Sep. 19th, 2005 11:24 pm (UTC)
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this is why we should never look into our neighbours' units

Reply | Parent | Thread

tajmall

(no subject)

from: tajmall
date: Sep. 19th, 2005 04:27 am (UTC)
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You cannot comprehend why anyone would want to walk on an escalator (when you can just stand still and let the escalator do the job).

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(no subject)

from: zookeeper_
date: Sep. 19th, 2005 05:16 am (UTC)
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Hahaha, so true!

Reply | Parent | Thread

tajmall

(no subject)

from: tajmall
date: Sep. 19th, 2005 05:23 am (UTC)
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the best explanation i got for this phenomenon is kiasu-ism? if you don't have to pay for the escalator, make the most of your free journey by extending its duration as long as possible without walking backwards.

in fact this phenomenon is what inspired me to start an live journal!

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(no subject)

from: minah_moto
date: Sep. 19th, 2005 09:05 am (UTC)
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*guilty* Teeheehee.

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Lan Yingjie

(no subject)

from: lanyingjie
date: Sep. 19th, 2005 04:56 am (UTC)
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I shall go read TC.com now =D

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(no subject)

from: _filius_
date: Sep. 19th, 2005 05:26 am (UTC)
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Most of these are inaccurate, IMO... #6 is true, though! I can't be bothered to read all 60. I just read the first 10 lol..

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fey

(no subject)

from: definitiv
date: Sep. 19th, 2005 08:51 pm (UTC)
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Haha! Lovely! :)

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chaerani

(no subject)

from: chaerani
date: Sep. 20th, 2005 04:27 am (UTC)
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70. You pronounce "main-tain-nence" instead of "main-tn-nence" (for MAINTENANCE) and "pr-chase" instead of "pr-chz" (for PURCHASE)

Reply | Thread

aditi

Hilarious!

from: bangendedscoot
date: Sep. 20th, 2005 04:28 am (UTC)
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HAHAHAHA! Oh, these are TOO true. =P

17. You force your children to take Speech & Drama classes, but pray they won't wind up in Arts later on.

Quite ironical, this one.

And this one: 11. You're never completely sure how many times you’ve sung the second verse of the National Anthem.


I AM NOT ALONE :>

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canvass

Re: Hilarious!

from: canvass
date: Sep. 22nd, 2005 08:44 am (UTC)
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lol hilarious post

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